Met a professor while getting my admit card after months as I had stopped going to college for a while, and the conversation that followed was pure unadulterated bullshit.
I told her I’ve been depressed for a while and after I got over that I made a conscious decision to not partake in the farce that is considered academia, most of my peers agree with me that the professors are not doing their jobs right, courses are poorly structured, and basics like a decent amount of reference books and course books are not made available in the libraries, I have brought up these issues with the philosophy departments teachers, I even went as far as drawing up a list of books that have been prescribed in our syllabus to one of the professors at one point but nothing was done to rectify the situation.
Most of the students who have asked the professors to do a little leg work and make basic things available to them have been sidelined on more than one occasion, we don’t get any options or say in what we study, no one asks the students even though there are options in the syllabus, we’re not given a choice or even told what we’re really in for and randomly thrown to the deep end of a subject without any interest in them. She calls me a pessimist, I say its not that hard to put two and two together and see the world for what it really is and not be depressed or pessimistic. I say there is a lack of reform, she calls me a pessimistic and angry, I say “teaching is poorly done” , she says “why didn’t you say anything in class instead of disappearing?”, I say “what do you think I was trying to do in the past two years?”.
I was present for everything, gave all the assignments despite the poor infrastructure provided. I wanted feedback on my work, they provided me with nonsense like how much should you write and how little I am writing or nothing at all most of the time, good marks in internal assessment don’t explain what I did right or wrong. On top that she kept asking me why I’m depressed, I was like, its a disease I don’t know why depression chose me, but it wasn’t sudden, it was a long time coming…I guess it was the constant shit sandwich that I was being fed, and in essence it was the people undermining me at multiple level, and a system that is deceptive and a bloody joke.
My only and true fault is that I wanted a dignified response to the whole situation, some action taken perhaps, maybe some accountability, then I was told I’m a pessimist and to just look for the silver lining of things like a numbskull. I say Fuck that, and fuck academia, especially the one that exists in India. Call me a pessimist and leave me to rot, that’s your thing anyway.
Well the Indian independence day is upon us
Imagine we’re all assembled in the ground together to salute the flag and celebrate the Independence day, I come forward as mandated to salute the flag, but before I submit myself to the authoritarian will…these are my last words
Let us all salute the flag in uniformity,
after all we gained autonomy you see.
Let us savour the taste of that sweet freedom to practise democracy,
tyranny of the many,
business as usual you’ll see.
Let us take a crash course in eudaimonia,
wreaked and crashed under delusion you’ll see.
Let us all take a leap of faith,
forget we’re all still slaves,
be it this flag or the other you’ll see.
Let us all salute the flag in perfect uniformity,
as we sink deeper, depression and desperation is all there is you see.
as the title suggests i have been slacking quite a bit be it my blog or my studies.
most of the first & second week were spent getting in the best shape possible for the teachers day celebration & also by gaming i guess finished 2/4 campaign on Left 4 dead since then i along with my brother completed the game from front to back 4/4 & then i bought him Left 4 dead 2 so we can play later , hopefully not this week as i have tests coming up gotta cram some stuff in so i’ll get 15-20 marks at least as i have not touched the books for a while now ,only my history book for a little while that is.
also been having shin splints due to the exercises done before teachers day since then there has been a big dent in my workout as i cannot do cardio with the same amount of strength. i have lost a lot of body fat though but i am unable to follow through to keep it down.
after all this i have also watched a shit load of zombie movies such as dawn of the dead (new & old) , diary of the dead , shaun of the dead etc. still a lot to watch.
made some stuff on photoshop which you can see at my deviant art account.
i was thinking of writing a story or something recently but due to the lack of time i might not follow through.
anyways that’s about it.
will see ya later 🙂
As the title says all last week was , was boring.
Things that usually go through a regular week happen , happened. Teachers gave me home work i didn’t do said home work i got scolded & i came back home slightly sad.I was mostly sleepy throughout the week due to the fact that i have managed to mess up my sleep cycle once again also my pain’s etc. of course.
Protested against the damn homework system in our school amongst peers & amongst social networking sits such as Facebook & Twitter.
Also came across this video :
other than that i’ve been watching some documentaries by Dawkins.
like this one :
just surprised(even raged) at the people of religion not even believing the theory of evolution.
that’s about how it all went , i guess in conclusion after blocking out the school bullshit i can say that it all went fairly decent.
Goodbye until next time i guess,
Didn’t get the time to put up a update on last week , so here goes another joint post for two weeks.
Week 7 was pretty much a blur. only thing worth mentioning is the fact that i went to school for the whole week as i challenged myself to do a full weeks attendance in school just to see if i like it or not…
so all i achieved last week was a whole weeks attendance , no pleasure & a shit load of pain.
No onto last week : the highlight of last week was that i took Friday & had a school holiday on Saturday so what i got was a 3 day weekend which i used to study/finish the first book of history. I think the isolation this put me into was extraordinary as i barely even got out my room let alone the house.This i realize just today as i built up a shit ton of anger & unknowingly unleashed it upon my mother , this was due to the isolation plus a extraordinary amount of pressure that was just thrown at me along with too much bullshit.
Only positive thing i got out of the past few days is that my back is getting better but as soon as i spend a day in the school i end up fucking my back up due to the fact that the school doesn’t have benches with any lumbar support.
I seriously feel burnt out right about now,to cool down i didn’t study word one today & just try to chill/play games.I feel like drooping out of this session even, because of multiple reasons but i don’t know…should i ? can i ? can my parents afford it ? can i handle it, it being the humiliation , the what if question & the time that will be lost ?
The biggest problem of all is that i have no aim in life that i am driven to achieve , also the cynicism of course.
well y’all probably have decent life to get to so i guess until next Monday , its farewell.