dealing with depression

Little part of me died. (9 Months old, November 2012)

Here i am fighting my own self. Struggling with a demon that is figment of my imagination or it just seems as such. Struggling to comprehend the utter dullness of this mundane mood swing that constantly crushing my spirit by the second, which implies that i had a spirit or a soul to begin with…well i didn’t or tried not to be so obviously ignorant. Each time i think that some thing nice might happen if i do “X” or “Y” it doesn’t.

So, is there some sort of fallacy that i might have committed or my thinking? or these sort of things universal with each person who is always on the up and up, always happy and cheery. Is this it? everyone just lying to each other. Showing up in facade, hiding what they are? Is this all there was or is left of this damned world.

I don’t know what these paragraph accomplish. Maybe some sort of a clearance sale from the bargain bin. Maybe just diarrhea from my head on to the floor in grand event called life.

As i began i will try to conclude.

A little part off me dies as i am not able to do anything that i set out to do.

A little part of me dies when i am not able to channel my energy into more positive thoughts.

A Little part of me wishes i didn’t exist as do the Buddhists as this cycle of life and dead are nothing but misery.

A little part of me debates that might already be dead, so chill out. RELAX. It doesn’t matter i say to myself in a consoling my self.

I kill my daemons one word at a time.

I kill my seamen one jerk at a time.

I drill my head with non-sense thinking it would matter in time.

I let go.I forget.Then i rinse and repeat.