In an eternal rut

I feel like a 12 year old me which lives in denial sometimes (or with a lack of foresight). Which cares not for things that come or are affecting me right now. I live for the right now. Thinking of what is good for me at this very moment. Not caring if its good for me in the traditional sense but in the cave man way. Like food good; work bad; doing nothing good; doing something to improve future prospects bad. Living off of whims and tantrums is all I live for. But what if I never evolved from that cave man persona? But became more synchronized with him what if that little moment where I caved into societal pressure and shaped up in a manner was just a phase where I fell into the blissful notion that something good would happen to me. Trying to chase the majestic creature that was never there I guess.

Living in an illusion that you can’t quite crack is what it feels like. Am I still a cave man or did I never stop being a cave man and just managed to delude myself into thinking I could be something else for once.

Then again why am I hung up on this questionShouldn’t I be questioning my eternal rut? Or the fact that it might not exist in the first place? My concepts are too skewed.I can’t even get a chain of thought to go together.

It’s just hard to come to terms with the fact that “whatsoever you do in life is quite possibly going to be useless in the future as you are going to die at the end of every scenario”.

I guess I’ll go back to being a misfit.


Some people and their ability to contemplate…

This whole thing is written to explain my view on something that went down in a classroom somewhere in Delhi. There was an interpretation and it didn’t sit well with me. As i see the ignorant view being adopted as the interpretation I am getting more infuriated. So let me interpret  the following poem as it is universally seen and why is it so.

On Killing a Tree by Gieve Patel

It takes much time to kill a tree,

Not a simple jab of the knife

Will do it. It has grown
Slowly consuming the earth,
Rising out of it, feeding
Upon its crust, absorbing
Years of sunlight, air, water,
And out of its leperous hide
Sprouting leaves.

So hack and chop
But this alone wont do it.
Not so much pain will do it.
The bleeding bark will heal
And from close to the ground
Will rise curled green twigs,
Miniature boughs
Which if unchecked will expand again
To former size.

The root is to be pulled out –
Out of the anchoring earth; 
It is to be roped, tied,
And pulled out – snapped out
Or pulled out entirely,
Out from the earth-cave,
And the strength of the tree exposed,
The source, white and wet,
The most sensitive, hidden
For years inside the earth.

Then the matter
Of scorching and choking
In sun and air,
Browning, hardening,
Twisting, withering,
And then it is done.


I see a gross misinterpretation of the above poem as people are thinking that its about corruption as exemplified by my peers below.

1. Corruption is like a tree. We can’t kill the tree by a simple jab of the knife. It has grown slowly consuming the earth. Hacking and chopping also won’t kill it. The root has to be pulled out of the anchoring earth.


2. The corruption has grown slowly consuming the bad mentality,the changing in the simple preaching wont stop it,we have to pulled out the bad mentality,the evil ideas from our mind.the ideas anchoring the mind.


I do believe literature is quite interpretive but you need to examine what the writer is all about and where he is coming from also the fact that the tree is considered in most of the context as the symbol of life and all things beautiful in this world.

Here the poet, line after line tries to show how the human beings are brutally butchering the flora also the line then it is done does signify a certain finality and an end to this brutality once it is done. You cannot end a thing that isn’t quantifiable like corruption or greed. I would this saying enough that the corruption aspect falls on its ass quite quickly as it hasn’t got much of context to be interpreted as corruption.

Then again if you look at how the poet decides to reveal to us some of the gory detail no less than in of a cold blooded murder of a person just to evoke emotions in the reader and awareness towards the fact that the tree which took many years to flourish was simply laid to death by the human species. And with “And then it is done” the writer just leaves that line to linger in our minds so as to say that there wasn’t any thought or introspective chain reaction was set forth which might in turn might make us think about the environmental issue of deforestation perhaps.

Movie Reviews : Moneyball


Money ball is a  2011 movie which focuses on a topic i am not that well versed on, a game known as Baseball which is apparently America’s favourite pass time, so hopefully it well revived over there.

So, yeah the plot revolves around Billy a washed out GM who has been done wrong by the game and is now a part of  a broken marge and is now dealing with the loss in his carer therefore he is in a state of disorder in both parts of his life.Soon, he face loss of few of his decent players and ends up with a mediocre team when he is met with Peter which is hired by him as he sees “something” in him. Now Peter is hired as his assistant  GM he now helps Billy build his team using an unorthodox algorithm of a sort that is a “sure shot way” for Oakland Athletics to win at a lower cost  then they would have if they had tried to buy better player, they now instead they get down-torn athletes that have one or the other type of deformity that doesn’t allow them to compete in the big league.

Now the movie goes on for a while with the picking process and the dismissive-ness of his scouting staff of this said algorithm. Then after a while the games begin and the lot of things happen.A lot of drama.More character development of the GM.Introduction to his family(the GM’s daughter and his ex-wife etc.) a little expansion on that and then comes the result of this algorithm which don’t seem good after the first games loss.But the story eventually builds up and Oakland start to looked upon as the underdog winners and they start to beat almost every team they face due to some major changes in the lineup and a few carefully planed move by the GM and his assistant. All is well until they start failing again and almost come to an end but soon the GM is offered a job at the Boston Red Sox with an attractive “offer” with consideration to his life and how he was screed over by baseball earlier in his life he decides not to get greedy and sticks with his low paying unforgiving job based on principal even though *spoiler alert!* his team loses at the end of  the season. I can go into detail as to my understanding of why he mad that choice but that would ruin fun for you to decide as i think the makers of the movie intended even though it is based on a true story.


Well that’s what i had to say about Moneyball. In short i would say that movie is worth a watch even if you are not a fan of baseball or any sports for that matter. The move is more then just about the game its about the lead character beautifully portrayed by Brad Pitt and how he manages to give life to the character.

Next i will try to review two or more movies if i can.


Introspection : Am i good enough?

Short intro :

I hope you fellas like a person talking to himself because i present to you how I felt recently due to lack of sleep and lack of social interaction. I started writing this on the 6th last month and only got through my insomnia to finish it.

Hope y’all like it!

Am i good enough?

Look at what we have here a kid who’s trying to play victim in this world that looks sick to him. His mind is full of sorrow, thinking about things that don’t even matter is how he passes his morrows.He keeps on thinking…thinking about the things he could have recalculated,the things could,would,or should happen.What he couldn’t focus on was the fact that the time has passed, it was never to be seen again.He needs to rise up.Fall in line to fall again.

He needs to forgive and forget. let bygones be bygones, just dust it all off and start again.You just have to try one more time…and again and again and again until your face envision’s that decent smile or grin. That is so because we all know you have to go through the motions to get back at it again. Buck up, Chin up, look forward to what you can and face the facts that this second you just wasted on hollow sorrows is now dead and soon before you know it you will be too…”life’s too shot” mate you have to come through.

You say that but do you have any facts to back that up? Will i not anyways end up turning to dust? Will i not be forgotten eventually, and who’ll carry my legacy…if i ever manage to make something of myself that is? What if i step out into this tumultuous universe and all i get out of it is regret and shame. All you give is false hope sir! do NOT mislead this poor man as a false prophet. Hasn’t he been through enough? Haven’t you shamed this man enough? Please let this man wallow in self-hatred and disease. Let him do things as he pleases. Do not interfere with what this man intends to do and let him end it. End the disdain that he gains. End the constant tussle within to win this fight. The fight to feel pain no more. The fight to exert nothing awful to displease the senses. End this and you will see a service done to mankind.

Blasphemy! Death only brings more pain and disdain to the universe. Think. Just for a second. Then let it go because this idea will only bring destruction to the ideas of highly concentrated thoughts and ideals that you hold. They need to be herd only then will your work be done, that will be your legacy. Only then you can let go of that last bit of breath that keeps you physically abled. Take the high road and hold the sanctimonious high ground. For you know what you are made of . You need to make more presentable. You need to take care. Of yourself and your fellow being. As that’s all you have. All you will ever have. All anyone will ever have for that matter of fact. Everyone feels hollow  once in a while. You just need to be out in the open more upright like the homo sapiens and be a upright guy.

End note : 

Please don’t be concerned after reading that. I tried to end on a positive note. So, i could give the impression that i am alright now and that rough patch of my life is over(for now at least) and i am trying to move on  now to better  tomorrow.


Abundance of Arrogance with Amity.


This is just a simple old rant pointed towards Amity University.
i do not care for this place nor will i ever in the future,it wastes student’s time like its an abundant resources.Not that many of the alumni over here will put it towards any decent use anyways.

Here go’s nothing then…

You know I don’t ask much from my fellow being other than the fact that he/she treats me as I treat them. Not too much to ask I presume? No, apparently says Amity. It sits in judgement of my wrong doing, my wrong doing of following protocol and defusing situation even though it caused me social scrutiny, even though it killed me a little inside I defused the situation then and there not wanting any trouble I guess because you see I’ve always been the violent one that blows up after a gradual build-up of agony and pain inside but you amity have pushed my last button mate…it’s too much.

I came here to learn and to let lose my writing boundaries but all I have ended up with eternal hell like John Milton’s Devil. It kills me…day in day out living like a pushover. I no longer wish to live on the edge because once I go over that line the only thing that is inevitable is death either of me or that inconsiderate self-important jerk.

That brings me to another point upon this apparently “Best” or “Great” university as advertised. Firstly it doesn’t live up the name “Amity”, don’t feel the amity up in this bitch now do I? Almost all the students are assholes or if they are not they have to convert to this religion quickly because it’s the only way to survive up in here. Secondly stop picking students just because they can afford you damn university are you running a profit mill or a university where an education can be bestowed upon the student? From what I can see the former option seems more credible.
I guess this rant is as useless as anything else ever done in this place ever(this blog,the internet.).pffft….what’s the point you guys will shrug this blog post off like yesteryears problems and just laugh it off with your house painted with gold with that 20mill a day you earn.

Oh well, i guess its not all amity’s fault but mine also i had an opportunity to go into a different college which was a safe bet, which i turned down due to course preference(i preferred english (hons. ) over philosophy (hons.) ) and now look were i am…in a tight spot over thinking things creating guilt were there need’t be any just to fuck me over so can’t get over and try again.

Eulogy for a Dream

Today we are gather here to celebrate a dream of mine that lingers and larks in the dark due to neglect.This dream was quite prominent.It had the ability to provide me with the will to live.The will to look forwards to a tomorrow.Unfortunately its wings got clipped in mid flight and it drowned in the ocean of sorrow.Very unfortunate to see pure and utter prominence wash away like that ,but yet you think to yourself what can you do ? it was just a dream there will be many more in the future perhaps not as good as this one but still there is a future in it.

Being the cynic i am i rarely ever see a dream of this caliber.Young,strong yet ever so robust and on the mark and sometimes even persistent.It had become a being of its own , really.It wasn’t even mine anymore.It now belonged to the masses.It was now bigger than ever.It mesmerized every being in its presence due to its enamors qualities.Its evanescence will be ever so mourned…

Never such a dream was present or will ever in the future.Ones who have interacted with this being that is above god will agree with me.This being came and went as it pleased , it was a free bird it was never captive to the narrow tracks of thought on which the train of thoughts commute but it was open and wide as the sky…even though it has passed away it shall stay deep within our epicenters.

This dream shall always  hold our mind and bodies captive with its mesmerizing promise of a cure for blunder in life that we make.It shall hold us captive with the promise of cure like a placebo.It shall lay in our being and be an eternal being in spirit if not in reality.

Rest in peace and forever inspire the ghosts of depression.


My words are sometimes in wide demand because i am a man of very few words i shoot to kill.As if i think it through…all might not be well as you want it to be i am a sad sad person with a bad bad perception critically premature & verbally immature.Too much a part of me screams “too much! you have made me suffer.No more shall i stand this torture bring on the horror of uncertainty,now suffer eternally!”

Life gets tough i go back to my old ways of materialism… wasting money on things i don’t need yet do crave increasing worlds surplus of  obesity one measly calorie at a time.Promoted to do drugs by the worlds but i indulge in the drug of overdose high fructose corn syrup a new yet good ol’ kind of high one that god approves of unlike that smack of nicotine or a hit of that joint.

Yo don’t try this at home or else!

Or else!? Or else!? What can i do?

Nothing,nothing at all.

That is because I am but a minuscule part of this grand design called the planet earth.

Some times i just compare my ant size problems to that of the world and hate myself even more.

One of these days i wish to get over it.Untill then bare with me or else fuck off to your oblivious utopian world.

Peace out!

Thought’s Train is yet to come.

Wake up on a Sunday morning like you are the best thing that ever happened to this world yet make the movement so sluggish that you look like yesterdays stinking brew left to mellow into the sunshine.You are up and about making moves that aren’t calculated yet trying to convince your mental self that you are making moves that are concise and even calculated.

You are yet to figure out the basics of your monthly expenses yet you think you have calculated your whole life.Thinking you already know whats going to happen next or what kind of dish life is going to serve you.So now you come around once again but now its too late.Too late to even rethink it the bell is ringing,the alarms and sirens are armed with noise and kids with guns and redrum in their minds.You need to run make a move for better or worse you have to run! Now it has to be well calculated you cannot just go for a free run or a marathon you have to stop once in a while take a look around you think and react it cant be all reflex.

So carve you train of thought to power through the hills of the unknown,because it has not just begun but not now but begun it has since the day of your birth and since then all you have done is lagged behind and you have arrived late to the station time after time.Although you tried over and over again to make people get on board with you story,yet all they did was  stand in awe of another train in all his glory.

The other train that came quick and concise as if it was his god given right to steal what is yours: that little slot of time that you no longer owned.

Only thing you posses or will ever posses is uncertainty plain and simple other than that all you have is cycle of life: life comes in death goes out.


Finish it.

End your desires,

forget about what you wished for,

end every moment with a

rusty rawr,

grumbling morn,

or stumble upon a better morrow

forget about the yesteryear with a tear,

so you can climb upon the top tier

and make your existence not mere,

make it matter and if you can dear

make everyone your audience adhere,

to the existence that might not be mere

as you might have thought my dear.

inconsiderate world?

is this an inconsiderate world or is it just the inability of people to take a joke?

we have a decent and healthy life but at the end of the day all we are doing is ferreting over the small stuff and shortening our life day in day out we might as well part take in a some sort of stupid conversation upon a minuscule subject or even a joke and how it affects him or her but after all the words all we have is wasted time that we are never going to get back no mater how much we struggle, no matter how wealthy we are, no matter how healthy we are.Its just another whimsical try to pass the time along that we don’t posses in the first place we need to be happy with what we have insides no need to express it just have an awareness and if it helps count your blessings and move on.

A joke isn’t going to reduce your quality of life you don’t let it,if you keep ferreting over it then its your loss of what little time you have just be happy you can be a part of some other persons happiness for once in your miserable life.Don’t get offended things that don’t affect you immediate quality of life,because if this is all there is to your life then its not a life its only you getting offended…over what? over what!? i say!

if we look at it this blog post was a poor decision.