The jig is up…enough is enough?(3 Months ago, March-April 2013 )

Well i think its close. It is following me around this feeling. Constantly the feeling of coming end , the feeling of restlessness , the feeling of utter uselessness and inability to concentrate on anything that matters and is going to potentially effect me as an individual in the coming future.

Nothing cheers me up. I’ve started to do things just to feel again…I’ve forgotten how to feel. Fuck. Just…I mean have I really gotten to that point? I never thought everything goes so numb sometimes. Just staring. Thats what i do sometimes you know? Just zone out, don’t know if this life is worth the effort anymore.

I wake up broken and become worse and worse as the day progresses.Maybe I need a drastic change. Maybe i need to move out and move on with my life and leave my loved ones out of it. Even if it comes at a cost because I feel like a stranger with these loved ones anyways. I’m not even sure what love is. All I have is a concept it just never manifests in the physical form.

Maybe thats what i crave.But lust is what I am a slave.

I’m inhumane insane. Mundane existence that is my bane.

Fuck.

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