This week has brought me down a bit , maybe it was due to what happened last week or it is the lack of direction in my life.
I feel like giving up. I feel like i have no reason , no meaning to my life. I often end up asking myself “what am i doing ?” or “whats the point?” & i have no real answer.
My self image is really starting to deteriorate for some reason. I have felt almost similar to this quite a few times , almost every time it just faded away & i moved on to search for a purpose for my life , for a aim , for something at least. But now due to the fact i have been in this sort of rut before i don’t even know anymore…
I feel like my life is totally fucked even though when i think about it it has barely begun , i mean I am only 17…right?
I certainly don’t feel comfortable with my body & i have tried to change it but been out for a week due to a back injury & then i put on about 2-3 kg’s which took like forever to remove from my body which placed me in a position where i have nothing much to do as i haven’t really got many friends that i am really deep with. All i really have to do is go on & think about what i wanna do with my life as i feel like i am wasting it all away due to the fact that all i do all day is sit on my ass either in front of the computer or lay on the bed after taking my medication. All i feel is self pity , I really don’t know if i can handle myself very well. I have even become what i hate the most , I might have have turned into a hater & a cynic as i hate sometimes on other peoples happiness but i say i am not bothered by them , I am not presenting myself as such but i am inside filled with anger & hate.
thanks for reading my blog , though i am sorry if i killed your buzz or something.