Week 5 : Feeling Of Shit.

Hello there,
This week has brought me down a bit , maybe it was due to what happened last week or it is the lack of direction in my life.

I feel like giving up. I feel like i have no reason , no meaning to my life. I often end up asking myself “what am i doing ?” or “whats the point?” & i have no real answer.

My self image is really starting to deteriorate for some reason. I have felt almost similar to this quite a few times , almost every time it just faded away & i moved on to search for a purpose for my life , for a aim , for something at least. But now due to the fact i have been in this sort of rut before i don’t even know anymore…

I feel like my life is totally fucked even though when i think about it it has barely begun , i mean I am only 17…right?

I certainly don’t feel comfortable with my body & i have tried to change it but been out for a week due to a back injury & then i put on about 2-3 kg’s which took like forever to remove from my body which placed me in a position where i have nothing much to do as i haven’t really got many friends that i am really deep with. All i really have to do is go on & think about what i wanna do with my life as i feel like i am wasting it all away due to the fact that all i do all day is sit on my ass either in front of the computer or lay on the bed after taking my medication. All i feel is self pity , I really don’t know if i can handle myself very well. I have even become what i hate the most , I might have have turned into a hater & a cynic as i hate sometimes on other peoples happiness but i say i am not bothered by them , I am not presenting myself as such but i am inside filled with anger & hate.

thanks for reading my blog , though i am sorry if i killed your buzz or something.
~Anup

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6 comments

  1. *hugs* Yeah, i kinda know what you mean. Thing is, you’ve got to get yourself out there. Find something to do that’ll give you a routine.

    1. well i was on my way to getting out of the house but i didn’t really feel that i was presentable enough (physically) as i think that most of the people that i know are pretty damn shallow but by the end of it , i sprained my back by accident while i was working on my physique about a week ago & ever since have been on multiple medications so that has thrown me back a little as i cannot really do much due to the fact that much movement only causes more pain & the meds make me a little sleepy.I was & am at a stage that i feel more comfortable with myself & i was really close to pushing myself to socialize a little more but as i explained my back condition (which i think is going to last for about 10-15 more days hopefully less.) which pushed me back. But overall you are right that i am sorta procrastinating i guess…

  2. Sorry, I’ve been on my phone mostly lately and forgot to check here.

    Quite frankly life is shit and always will be. However, unless you actually do something about it you won’t get to enjoy the few good things. Yes, a lot of people are shallow and I have some friends that I don’t trust a lot. But for every few of them there are some that make it worth my while and that I can trust completely.

    I’m 27 and for as long as I can remember it’s been an uphill struggle. The last six months were the worst of my life for various reasons and it’s not really looking like it’s letting up, but that means I’ve got to try even harder.

    Also you need to become happy with your physical appearance otherwise you’ll strive to be someone you’re not for the rest of your life and there’s already enough shit anyway.

    As for your meds and stuff, I don’t know what’s wrong with you so I can’t comment on that.

    Chin up!

    1. well all i can say is that I’ve had my share of good days , but recently its just been day after day of bad ones , but i am just trying to move forward , whining as less about it as possible. 🙂

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